so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
honey bunches of taint.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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