i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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