we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
