i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
