Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
