Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He felt like a one man threesome
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
