pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
