If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
