Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
