So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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