Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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