Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
