I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
