I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
