Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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