I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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