4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
this beer tastes like vomit already
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
