did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
