Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
