Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
