I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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