It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
