i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
