this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
