and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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