East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
