i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
