I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
