The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
