Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
