the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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