Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
