I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
