My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
