Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
