I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
