I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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