I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
