1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
