another moral hangover. fuck.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
