there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You may now shotgun with the bride
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just want nice things and good sex
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
