he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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