The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
