oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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