Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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