the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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