The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
