is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think a kid would responsible me up
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
