4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
