My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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