direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
