haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
50% drunk capacity currently
Hello my rib-scented angel!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
